Diamond in the Rough

It's messy, writing a song. You'll get an idea for a couple of lines and write them down, then go back and revise it, switch a couple of words, or change the lines completely. This is good. You don't want to settle for second best if you don't have to. Remember, you are the word smith. You can do whatever you need to do to make your song the best that it can be.

When you get a song that you are sure is from God, it's tempting to just keep it as it is, but don't give in to the temptation--don't be afraid to revise. You may find it helpful to get another songwriter to help you, but it can be uncomfortable giving your song to someone else. It may be better to tweak your own methods of sharpening a song.

But now, back to the mess. when I write a song, I will cover a page or sometimes pages with lines, notes and rhyme ideas. It's never neat. There are lines and words scratched out all over the place with repacements written above, below, or in the margins. I have found recently that it helps me break a mental block when I just start writing down ideas for lines, whether they rhyme or have the right syllables, or not. Then I can just go back and edit what I have to make it work. In fact, I'm looking at a page right now where I wrote one of my better-known songs, and I can't help thinking "What a mess! How did could a good song come out of that?" But that's the whole idea--it's a diamond in the rough that has to be worked to get something worthwhile out of it.

To show you how the editing process can go, I'll give you an example using the song that I just mentioned:

Who You Are
(c) 2005 Tim Heider

You're my Light and my Glory
And ev'ry good thing comes from You
Endless grace flows from the Father
I worship You in spirit and in truth

Your truth endures through generations
Your majesty outshines the brightest star

You reign above all others
Kingdoms tremble; nations bow to who You are
You are Lord; there is no other
The Lord of Heaven has been crowned the King of hearts
You are Lord, and I bow to who You are.

It took me a long time to write this song. I just couldn't find the right lyrics. Even when I did find them, it took me a while to actually decide that I liked them. I would work on an idea, scratch it out, and rewrite it. Here is roughly what my edited page looked like (the italicized sections are what I crossed out and the boldened sections are what replaced it):

You're my Light and my Glory
And all good ev'ry good thing come comes from You
Endless grace flows from the Father
I worship You in spirit and in truth

Deep inside, my soul so longs to see you
Your truth endures through generations
Your majesty outshines the sun and brightest star

You reign above all others
Kings will Kingdoms tremble; nations bow to who you are
You alone; there is no other
You are God; there is no other
You are Lord; there is no other
Earth and Heaven both declare that You are God
The Risen King is now living in my heart
The King of Heaven has been crowned the king of hearts.
You are Lord and I bow to who You are

Quite a bit different from the finished product. In addition to what was crossed out in this example, there where also some other ideas and phrases to start the next lines. That's how it's done. It takes some work and some hard thinking to get a song to sound the way you want it to, but it's worth it.

By the way, if you want to hear an audio clip of this song, click the Beta Records advertisement or the "Tim's Song Page" link to the right.

Tim Heider

How NOT to Write a Song

Earlier I talked about word choice and how it affects the flow of your song. Just because it rhymes doesn't mean it will work. Ultimately, you want the lyrics and the melody to flow together as smoothly as possible--and that goes for the lyrics all the way through the song. Just so you can see how NOT to do it, this post I'm going to give you a couple of examples from modern pop music. Please keep in mind as you read that I have nothing against these artists--I am simply using their songs as examples.


"Breathe Into Me"
Artist: Red
Album: End of Silence

And this is how it feels when I ignore the words You spoke to me
And this is where I lose myself when I keep running away from You
And this is who I am when, when I don't know myself anymore
And this is what I choose when it's all left up to me

Breathe Your life into me
I can feel You, I'm falling
Falling faster
Breathe Your life into me
I still need You; I'm falling, falling
Breathe into me
Breathe into me

In case you haven't picked up on it yet, songs like this are one of my pet peeves. It breaks nearly every rule that I have talked about so far--not to mention the fact that it is unscriptural for a Christian to sing such a song. First, although there is somewhat of a syllable pattern in the verse (16-17-16-13), the melody makes it very choppy and uneven. There is very little rhythm to it partially because of the way it is sung, and partly because of how the emphasis falls on the syllables. The chorus is better, since the repetition of the first three lines forms sort of a rhyme and the melody is more sung that chanted/yelled, as is the case in the verses. I understand that style is an issue here and that personal preference also weighs in, but this isn't what I would call a good example of what a well-written song should be.

Another pitfall that you'll have to watch out for is changes in who is speaking within a song. If you start out using "I," that is, the speaker is the one singing the song, stick with "I" all the way through. If you are writing a church song that is speaking directly to God, avoid switching around and singing to the congregation. Here's an example of speaker-switching in a song:

"Take Me"
Artist: Hawk Nelson
Album: Letters to the President

Take me under Your wing tonight
Make me so perfect in Your eyes
Hold on cause it will be alright
You’re not alone

This song has a beautiful melody and the lyrics for the most part are well written, but they don't make sense considering the speaker in the verses is the one singing. First, the singer desires to be taken under the wings of God in lines 1 and 2, then the speaker changes (notice the change from "me" to "you") in lines 3 and 4. There is some room for doubt as to who is speaking in the last two lines. Is it God talking back to the singer in response to his plea for help, or is the singer exhorting the audience to hold on because he knows from experience that God will come through for them? Don't confuse your audience. If the speaker changes, make sure the listener knows that it is changing.

"Carry On"
Words and Music by
Tim Heider
(c) 2005

Why would you enter to run for the prize

And let another man claim it?

Jesus is watching you and I

Can you hear him say

"Won't you carry on for Me

Won't you carry on for Me"

I know, it doesn't rhyme, and the syllable count is off, but you can see what I mean about changing speakers in the middle of the song--make sure it is clear that it is changing.

Until next time,

Tim Heider


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Wordsmithing

Let's continue our songwriting from last time. Remember our theme was the name of Jesus, and we used our key phrase, "The name of Jesus is above every name." Here's what we have so far:

The name of Jesus is above ev'ry name
The name of Jesus redeems me from shame

This isn't bad for the first two lines of a chorus. Did you come up with two more creative lines? Just briefly, let's take a look at the first two lines. We have the beginning of the A-A-B-B rhyme pattern here, with 11 syllables in the first line and 10 in the second line. We could replace the word "redeem" with "deliver" and make Line Two have 11 syllables so that it would look like this:

The name of Jesus is above ev'ry name
The name of Jesus delivers me from shame

Here we have two even lines of 11 syllables each. However, "delivers" makes Line Two a little more awkward--it doesn't flow quite as well as "redeemed." Just read those two lines a couple of times. See what I mean? The two sound different because of where the emphasis falls on each syllable and also because of the length of the word. So let's go with "redeemed" instead of "delivered."

Now, here's what I came up with for the next two lines:

The name of Jesus holds all authority -- 11-B
The name of Jesus has the pow'r to set me free -- 12-B

It's pretty rough, actually. The first line has 11 syllables (did you notice the use of one of our key words, "authority?") while the second line has 12 syllables. In the entire chorus, there isn't a lot of regularity in the syllable count. So maybe we can change a few words to get a good flow. Since the second line is longer, we'll take a look at changing it. First, is there another way to say the same thing with less words? Maybe. Or maybe we could change it a little to echo another line in the chorus. Let's try this on for size:

The name of Jesus holds all authority -- 11
The name of Jesus alone can set me free -- 11

That's better. This kind of mirrors the very first line which talks about the name of Jesus being above every name and also provides a more rhythmic flow to the song. It's up to you how far you want to go in working your song. You are the word smith--you can shape and form your song into whatever you want it to be--but don't settle for less. Don't be afraid to make changes or get too attached to what you've already written. Now, let's see what we've done.

The name of Jesus is above ev'ry name
The name of Jesus redeems me from shame
The name of Jesus holds all authority
The name of Jesus alone can set me free

Looks good. Now see what you can do.

Tim Heider


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