3.12.06

Wordsmithing

Let's continue our songwriting from last time. Remember our theme was the name of Jesus, and we used our key phrase, "The name of Jesus is above every name." Here's what we have so far:

The name of Jesus is above ev'ry name
The name of Jesus redeems me from shame

This isn't bad for the first two lines of a chorus. Did you come up with two more creative lines? Just briefly, let's take a look at the first two lines. We have the beginning of the A-A-B-B rhyme pattern here, with 11 syllables in the first line and 10 in the second line. We could replace the word "redeem" with "deliver" and make Line Two have 11 syllables so that it would look like this:

The name of Jesus is above ev'ry name
The name of Jesus delivers me from shame

Here we have two even lines of 11 syllables each. However, "delivers" makes Line Two a little more awkward--it doesn't flow quite as well as "redeemed." Just read those two lines a couple of times. See what I mean? The two sound different because of where the emphasis falls on each syllable and also because of the length of the word. So let's go with "redeemed" instead of "delivered."

Now, here's what I came up with for the next two lines:

The name of Jesus holds all authority -- 11-B
The name of Jesus has the pow'r to set me free -- 12-B

It's pretty rough, actually. The first line has 11 syllables (did you notice the use of one of our key words, "authority?") while the second line has 12 syllables. In the entire chorus, there isn't a lot of regularity in the syllable count. So maybe we can change a few words to get a good flow. Since the second line is longer, we'll take a look at changing it. First, is there another way to say the same thing with less words? Maybe. Or maybe we could change it a little to echo another line in the chorus. Let's try this on for size:

The name of Jesus holds all authority -- 11
The name of Jesus alone can set me free -- 11

That's better. This kind of mirrors the very first line which talks about the name of Jesus being above every name and also provides a more rhythmic flow to the song. It's up to you how far you want to go in working your song. You are the word smith--you can shape and form your song into whatever you want it to be--but don't settle for less. Don't be afraid to make changes or get too attached to what you've already written. Now, let's see what we've done.

The name of Jesus is above ev'ry name
The name of Jesus redeems me from shame
The name of Jesus holds all authority
The name of Jesus alone can set me free

Looks good. Now see what you can do.

Tim Heider


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5 Comments:

Blogger Christa Heider said...

Even though I started the song before your blog, here's what I got for the one we were working on. It's combined with a chorus I had been working on before. It's in the rough . . .

V:
Holy God above the earth,
To You we humbly bow our knee,
Mighty God above the earth,
Every eye will look and see,

PreCh:
Our tongues confess,
Our mouths proclaim,
You are Lord, yes, You are Lord

V:
We lift high your greatness,
We lift high you honor,
Jesus, Name above all names, we glorify,
For the glory of Your Name, we magnify,
You are Lord, yes, you are Lord

6:01 PM  
Blogger Tim Heider said...

Sounds good! Do you have a melody yet? You're the first one to actually tell about a song that was being worked on!

8:33 PM  
Blogger Kristopher said...

it does sound good! i published a new post on my blog, and it's not a short one. so there! keep up the good work people.

9:38 PM  
Blogger Christa Heider said...

Yep, got a melody. Not 100% on whether or not I like the chorus, but we shall see!

7:11 AM  
Blogger Christa Heider said...

Oh, and the "lift high your greatness "verse" is actually supposed to be the chorus.

7:12 AM  

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